July 24th 2008
I have one thing to say man...
Fight like hell and if the end comes during that fight then so be it but you fight like hell no matter what. I know the times are hard and the damn treatments, picking, probing and daunting thought of death is down right heavy on your soul but fight like hell brother. Dont ever accept the hand cancer has delt, you are not out of this fight yet brother and I dont even want you to think its come to that.
We are here for you. We want to know how the days are going and what you are feeling. Please come post at Lifelinkage.com for the people that care.
Fight Like Hell,
Preston
The above was a message I wrote to Tyler weeks before his passing and today I write to all of you in his remembrance and in my anger.
I write today a man hurt and pained by the theif of mens souls. I sit watery eyed and raging red at the realization of a life cut short. My heart putters slow with a remembrance beat of the times it once chased after me. And in a moment I wish it were real...I wish it were tangible. If it were a person I would steal its own life, if it were a place I would burn it to the ground, and if it were a thing I would crush it with such force the world would shake. This is my hate at this moment! The sad thing is my hate for cancer is so strong that it blinds my sorrow. Fuck you cancer...no still not good enough, o how I wish you were tangable...I would distroy your being and rip from you all that you steal from your victoms...you damn theif! W h y ... Three letters I have repeatedly put together to form a word that haunts my days. I've come to the conclusion that there is no answer. You are and will always be an evil theif. At times I've claimed you as my friend for strengthing my character and hardning my soul, but today I hate who you are.
Tyler was a friend to us all. His briliant brain spun whitty comments wildly which was quickly followed by laughter. His aspirations of competing in the par olympics inspired us, even now as I type this very sentence the hairs on my arm rise with my impression of him. His love for his family and friends will never be forgotten and he will go on to be a soldier of the lord as do all cancer survivors. And no that was no typo, for you see everyone affected by cancer is fighting to survive and therefor are and will always be a survivor. You will be remembered by the many that loved the young man you grew to be. So here is to you my fellow soldier and to the fight you gave until the end.
Preston,
Laura EllenI admire your abilities to release the resentments that dwell within you, for that is one of my greatest shortcomings... not allowing my feelings to divulge. Though, aside from your anger at the situation, I sense an underlying feeling or emotion. I sense that you question why certain lives are taken and others are not... to be specific, your life. This is a question that I entertain in my thoughts day in and day out. I've never been able to fathom why my life was spared from my cancer or my critical suicide attempt, when so many other promising and good willed people are ripped of their ability to live. It doesn't make much sense, and I wish it did so I could shed some light on it. However, all I can give you is my acquired learnings from the subject at hand. I suppose that through my faith I've come to understand that each person has a different plan in life. A different destiny, and a different fate. And instead of fighting the blessings in which God has given me (the blessing of life,) I've just learned to believe that there's something meant for me. And it's not to die of cancer, a drug overdose, or any other life threatening situations I've been in... but it's something far greater. Something greater than you or I can understand at this point in our lives.
Let that sink in, and we'll talk soon. Feel better love.
03:44 PM CST