Do you know how it feels?

To live a life numb from reality's sorrows.

To be conscious of your destructive surroundings and just not give a shit?

Do you know how it feels?

Ones that love me often refer to me as an asshole.  I think they use this word because they cannot process just what type of person I truly am.  If they could for a moment step into my soul, I believe they would be in for one eye opening journey.  They would wonder euphorically along the dark path that leads to my chamber of "feelings".  This chamber in normal people possess there deepest emotions.  It is a place where sorrow, hurt, pain, agony, and fear, all sit around a smoky card room gambling a person's life away.  They would walk up to the door of my chamber of sorrow and reach to grab a cold stainless steal handle.  It would not take much to swing open the frail contour of this door, for you see it has been slammed open more times, than I am able to count.  Each time the rugged door lost a little more of its structural composition and each time a little more "feelings" were able to escape until there were no more.  They would walk into a bottomless, drafty room where the stench of an intoxicating haze hangs in the air.  It would be in this moment that they would realize the life I have lived and the enormity of the feelings I have felt in my short life.  They would leave a little harden from their journey and emerge a different person.

They would stand before me gazing into my eyes and say, I'm sorry.  I am sorry not for calling you an asshole but because you cannot feel.  It must be awful, they'd say.  I would smile because I have been down this road before.  We would leave that moment a little closer and more aware of the world around us. 

This is my life, I am an asshole, but I have earned every letter...

With Love,

Preston Presnell
LifeLinkage.Com
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